Angry Letters To Aliens
Dear aliens, divorce is difficult.

Dear aliens, what do you guys do when you get divorced? Because I’m fucking clueless. I’m a different more mature person, but that person was developed in a relationship that no longer exists. Two people became one and now they must become two again. But how? Sure I can just exist and float like a terrifying jellyfish.

On top of figuring out my existential dilemma I have to deal with a jealous manchild my ex has decide to date. Who basically hates me for being alive. What have I done? Wished them the best of luck and tried to mind my own fucking business. Doesn’t matter though he still hates me. Most of my life I’ve minded my own business so I could be left alone. But in thus situation it doesn’t matter.

I read books to give me perspective, which they do, but I’m still lost. On the plus side I can now “astral project” and I’m well read. But I still have no idea what’s going on.

It’s not even that I want to date people. I find the idea of dating horrifying and upsetting. I’m an imperfect human and the idea of getting to know another imperfect human sounds insurmountable.

What do you aliens do when you get divorced? Do you guys go cruising and probe/breed with sexy farmers daughters? Drink your alien problems away at the alien Reagle Beagle? I don’t know alien dudes. Come abduct me and we’ll mutilate some cattle maybe?

Dear Aliens, do you breed humans like cats?

Hey aliens recently I’ve been learning about all the different cat breeds, and I have dealt with 3 litters of baby cats this year as well. I also pay attention to repeating human archetypes that I deal with in my daily routine and in my travels over the years. Human archetypes aren’t restricted to any race or “breed” of human, it is not a learned behavior, but rather how our minds unconsciously process data, and the answers that results occur in a pattern that can be broken down in a simple equation. 

My thoughts are that if cat personality can be passed down by genetics than so can human personality as well. Other cat traits can also be passed down as well primarily physical attributes such as muscle build, head size, bone structure, ears, tails. Now some attributes are a matter of genetic mutation. Tail and ear attributes are generally genetic mutation: such as the Scottish Fold. But through breeding cats will pass genes which are normal and which are mutated. This is far more complex than the simple “fat people produce fat kids” or ” X (people) = X (offspring). The equation would be Parent A + Parents B = C (AB)+Nature. The offspring is a combination of variables which is then influenced by their external environment of social standards. 

Selective breeding can be done on humans, but because humans breed at a much slower rate than cats the results are more harder to detect. I’m not advocating eugenics on any level. Even in cat breeding you can have wonderful genetic variations. Look at the Balinese cat, which is a long haired Siamese, they were a genetic mutation. The breeders who got the results were dissatisfied and gave the cats away, and someone else saw the beauty in them and bred them into their own new breed. So what is desirable and what is not desirable is all subjective according to the person who is asking the question. 

With humans being more intelligent than cats the factor of nature vs. nurture must also be taken into consideration. If humans were raised in a sterile environment then the results would become more uniform in results. Some may argue that this is already happening in Western civilization with the rampant homogenization of American culture. This doesn’t make everyone the same, but rather similar by making the external Nature variables the same.

Dear Aliens, People Pretending to be Human

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how stupid people are. I’m no super genius by any measure myself, but once stupidity and ignorance hits a critical peak it’s hard not to scoff and judge others. The judgement comes from the blatant hypocricy and ignorance that humans parade around with. People assume that they’re better and smarter than animals and other humans. Religion and society has skipped around like a spoiled child assuming that just because we are human we are not an animal and better than animals. I don’t agree with this thinking, I find it entitled and sophomoric. Humans are animals, and unless we distinct ourselves from animals, and behave in a fashion which is in direct opposite of animals. This behavior that I’m referring to is using the human mind. Any physical tasks humans can do there is an animal that can do it more efficiently. The only exception to this, and what has allow man to create an empire spanning the entire globe, is the human mind and the thought it is capable of. But people don’t really use their minds anymore, they allow other people to form opinions for them, they stare at the television, read fiction books, stand complacent in a world which doesn’t ask questions and simply be entertained. I don’t enjoy this phenomenon, in fact it makes me terribly uncomfortable and anxious about just being alive. I’m not asking for everyone to think what I think or anything like that. I don’t want people to agree with me, it would be nice but ultimately arbitrary. I just want people to think for themselves, not to jump to conclusions about people, and treat people with the dignity and respect that we expect ourselves. The fact that I have to say things like this I take as a sign that society is on the decline and the dark ages are on the rise. 

Welcome to the Dark Ages V2.0; jumping to your death will become very popular

Dear Aliens, What’s Alien Rock Bottom Like?

Dear aliens, do you have a psychological event that occurs in an individual that is comparable to what is commonly referred to as “rock bottom.” It’s a highly subjective term that is hardly used at appropriate times. Usually when a pathetic slob weeps and curses the heavens for themselves hitting rock bottom things generally get worse. Get admitted to a psych ward, sleeping on a park bench, tell a child to “go fuck yourself,” walking 20 miles screaming to the heavens. All of these situations are shit, but life can always get worse, no matter what. No matter how miserable and difficult life can be, it can and will certainly become complete shit shortly after you think it can’t get any worse. 

I imagine alien rock bottom would be more better, but chances are that’s just idealized romanticism of alien technology and weird alien hallucinogens, and space travel. Insulating your endless misery with the vacuum of space seems like a smarter idea than gym shorts, pots, and Friends. But there’s nothing wrong with gym shorts, pot, and TV show Friends. Gym shorts are actually a sign of being a pig person, I used to wear slacks and dress pants daily. Now I cover my bits with denim and gym shorts. 

The secret to improving your life to deciding what you want in life, and refusing to accept anything less. The joke is you actually have to value, and know, yourself and what you want. Through constant introspection and existential crisis I know myself well, but I still don’t know what I want. I know I want to be shot into space to hurl and be lost in space, and I could refuse to accept anything less, but I think that’ll just be a waste of time and energy. Maybe I’ll just refuse to wear gym shorts and denim.

Dear Aliens, Are you Piss Poor at Setting & Achieving Goals?

I know I am, and I’m unsure of any other animals on the planet that have the capability to set goals and achieve them. So if there is intelligent life in the galaxy I think it would be safe to assume that you are capable of setting goals and achieving them. I’m fucking terrible at it, and I’m unable to stop thinking about it. Last September I set goals for myself, and one year later little to none of them are completed or even close. This bothers me, but I doubt I’ll fix this problem or set new goals and achieve them. I spent most of last year wallowing in misery and depression, and because of that I did not achieve any of my goals. There’s no one to blame but myself and to be honest I have no desire to blame anyone. It’s nobody’s fault but my own. No one can achieve my goals but myself. I should set new goals so maybe next year in September I’ll have something to be proud of instead of self loathing, but I’m being held back by myself yet again. I do not see the point in setting goals for myself, because I do not believe in myself. I don’t even know what my goals are anymore. It’s rather frustrating for this to occur, and causes feelings of isolation and being lost at sea. 

I don’t know. Really I just wanted to write about being shit at achieving my goals so hopefully I will stop thinking about it and become complacent in my failures.

Dear Aliens, What’s the Deal with Ghosts

Hey aliens, sorry it’s been a while. Life’s kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things, but I digress. 

Do you have ghost aliens? Also do animal ghosts exist as well as human ghosts? If alien ghosts do exist how would they try to communicate? If a ghost is performing anal probing on a live human is that potentially one of your alien brothers trying to communicate? Do you  have alien ghost hunters? Are they mocked and laughed at by mainstream society? Is alien death and human death similar? If yes, does that make all animal deaths similar? Do cats die like humans? What kind of cat would you be? Do you keep humans as pets? I would make a shitty pet probably. 

Hey aliens do you look in the mirror and call yourself a “fat idiot.” What’s alien self loathing like? 

Dear Aliens, human are equations

I believe human behavior can be predicted and boiled down to equations which would accurately predict the future. It’s a given that there are human archetypes the most popular system of archetypes currently is MBTI, which is a watered down adulterated version of Carl Jungs archetypes. So while MBTI does offer some useful insight in how the human mind operates it’s also greatly flawed. The two major flaws in my opinion are A) mistypes, people are unable to type themselves appropriately 9 out of 10 times and B) it by and large ignores cognitive function. Which are the keystone of how the human mind perceives and processes data so to ignore these functions is ignoring valuable data. 

Now everyone is a special snowflake and all that jazz, but there are a finite amount of archetypes and sub archetypes, and how someone was raised and life experiences can change someone as well; there will still be the underlying functions of how data of the outside world is processed. If the archetype is underdeveloped most of the time they will react the same across the board. While there may be other variables which can change the outcome an underdeveloped archetype is as predictable (and enjoyable) as a Three’s Company episode. 

The main reason I write this is because I know a couple. Who have been squabbling and fighting a lot recently. I really don’t like it, I even made the joke “now I know what it’s like to have divorced parents,” in a true Chandler Bing moment. My actual point is that their behavior is highly predictable to the point where I want to claw the walls or my skin off. 

While I said humans are highly predictable creatures there is one variable which will throw my equation out the window, and require additional thought. Which is if the person isn’t an underdeveloped idiot. If they are a developed archetype then their behavior is less predictable. An underdeveloped archetype has more in common with a simple animal than actual humans. 

Time is the overall constant variable in each equation. People can put on facades and thin veils to try to cover up what really resides underneath. As time passes these masks will slowly erode, the true mechanisms become apparent, and the true identity is revealed. 

People of course can change their inner workings and develop themselves mentally and archetypically, but it requires work and dedicated. Which most people do not have in this quick fix drive through society. 

Stupid fucking people.

My dad sent me an lamp he made. It’s just an Absolut vodka bottle with a hole drilled in the back at the bottom, with white christmas lights shoved in. It’s cute and fairly simple.

I called to thank my dad and congratulate him on his new hobby, and then offered a suggestion that fell on deaf ears. I told told him that making alcohol bottles into bongs is just drilling the hole in a different spot, and then explained the additional materials he would need. Essentially trying to hand my father a business/hobby he could do in his retirement, which would be far more profitable than booze bottle lamps. He didn’t really care or listen, and that’s what pissed me off. I knew before I called him that he wasn’t going to get into the business of converting old alcohol bottles into bongs, but just how he didn’t listen. My father is retarded when it comes to business, and I’m no genius myself, but I can see an opportunity when it presents itself. If you get the alcohol bottles for free then the only overhead would be rubber stoppers, intake pipe, and slider. Which bought in bulk would be dirt cheap. It’s a pretty fucking apparent business plan, but he didn’t listen, and didn’t care. That’s what’s so upsetting really, he fucking complains about the economy and then fails to see an opportunity to make money. 

Nobody fucking listens anymore, it’s enraging.

Cat babies part 2: Wearmy’s litter (Taken with instagram)

Cat babies part 2: Wearmy’s litter (Taken with instagram)

Wearmy  struggles with motherhood. (Taken with instagram)

Wearmy struggles with motherhood. (Taken with instagram)